Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Mommy wars, I refuse you!

Hi friends,

I am writing this as I sit in my backyard. My son is at school and my daughter is alternating between running around and climbing into my lap to take over control of the pc. I have also just completed a marathon cooking session as the next few days will be very busy and I want to make sure we have proper meals to eat, not that the kids will care. They live on a diet of sunshine and rainbows.

I know some people will say that I am lucky that I can stay at home. I know a lot of people will also judge and make assumptions. The mommy wars are real and I have made (mostly silent) ignorant comments in my ill-informed younger days but I do feel the need to write/talk/vent and generally express how I am feeling at this particular moment. Being a stay at home mom, for the most part, puts you through the wringer emotionally and physically, for me at least. I have been ridiculously happy, depressed, worried, you name it, I probably felt it. But today, I’m feeling unsure and excited. I feel like I have a new chance at figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

My entire life, the only thing I was sure that I wanted to be was a wife and mother but also something else too. I just don’t know what the something else is. I love that I could say at home for as long as I have. I got to have great tines with my kids, I got to volunteer at my son’s school and my daughter and I have some fun girl time. I have also had people say the dumbest thing to me. Some of them intentional and some of them unconscious (I hope). Here are some examples:

  1. “What do you do all day?” I want to tell them to switch places with me do exactly what I do, to my standards.
  2.  “You must be so bored.” Sometimes but not for long. There is always something to do. I do get lonely though.
  3. “I couldn’t do it, I need to be busy.” See #1
  4. “I need to work, I need the fulfillment.” I’m very fulfilled and I do work. Parenting is work. Also, I freelance occasionally so I do “work” outside of the home and from home too.
That is just a sample.

I think we all suffer from “the grass is always greener on the other side,” at some point. I would love to be able to take family vacations, eat out at fancy restaurants and have spa days but I need to work within my budget. I also am reminding myself all the time that life is fluid, I’m not going to be in this stage forever. 

This brings me to where I am today. I feel on the cusp of something. I am exploring a few opportunities and I do not know where I will end up but I am trying to be positive, worry less and enjoy the moment I am in. I’m getting rambly and philosophical but what I want to say is that you never truly know someone’s life situation or what they are going through and Facebook only tells part of the story. I am constantly reminding myself of this. Along with my positive qualities I am also vain, shallow and envious but that doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me human. So I may covet your vacation or shopping trip but I am also happy that you got those and I will back off from Facebook and look at all my blessings and be happy for myself. 
This post was full of clichés but clichés stick around because they are true. Enjoy what you have!

Current view: 2 year old is taking a break to bask in sunshine and coconut breadcrumbs while playing a Dora matching game on my iPhone. Life is tough.