Thursday, January 31, 2019

A Bend In The Road

Hello friends,

It has been a very long time since I have written anything here due to a combination of going back to work fulltime, being too busy/stressed, laziness, lack of inspiration and many other excuses. What is comes down to is that I had nothing left in me by the time I was done with work and kids and life.  I still feel like that even though I have not had a paying job in almost a year. I often feel the need to write and have not followed up until now.

Many things have changed since my last post. I got a fulltime job, got laid off from that fulltime job. My youngest started school and I am undergoing a drastic career change. I am attempting to pursue a career as an elementary school teacher, all contingent on me getting into teacher's college. If I do not get in, I will need to pivot and find a new plan.

I have been volunteering at my kids’ school and honestly, it fills me up. I work with a kindergarten class and two Grade 1 classes and the kids are so entertaining. There are so many different personalities and it is great to see them in action. However, that is a volunteer job. It is filling up my happiness account but not doing anything for my bank account. In today’s world, I need to start earning some cash.

I am in a strange spot. I am on an “on call” list to be a supply teacher. This only on an “as needed” basis so income in not guaranteed. I do not want to commit to a fulltime job because I need the flexibility to manage my kids and their activities and if I get into school, I need something that I can fit into that schedule.

So here I am, trying to figure this out. How do I use my skills, find something that pays but is flexible enough to allow me to handle my family and (fingers crossed) school commitments? Life is a puzzle.

As Anne of Green Gables often said, I have come to a bend in the road. This is hard for me because I am a planner. I have aggressive goals, but I am at a loss on how to achieve them, especially since many things are out of my control and I do not have a money tree that I can shake.

So, this morning, I spend some time researching work from home jobs. I am trying to come up with ideas for things I can do like start a business (doing what?), freelancing (again, doing what? How?) and so far, I have gone down a rabbit hole of despair. I am trying to focus on gratitude and list my blessings. This is a work in progress because my negative mind always takes me back to the what ifs and hows. What if I don’t get into teacher’s college. How am I going to pay for it? How am I going to earn cash while I go to school? How are we going to manage?

This blog is supposed to be an outlet for positivity but right now it’s an outlet for reality. I’m hoping that my reality intersects more often with positivity.

Attempting to write more and not lose my mind.